Irrevocable
by buttercupbella
Summary: "Why didn't you change, Mikan? You're still in love with that prick of a Hyuuga, as far as I know." "And you're still my best friend." In which Koko wants to shut Mikan out of his life, but he can't deny that he's still falling hard.
1. Prologue

**Irrevocable**

_**Prologue**_

* * *

_Let's stay like this for a while, _a certain thought drifted across the cold air of December, temporarily paralyzing someone hiding in the shadows. Natsume's hands gripped Mikan's tightly, and he smiled without the usual pride that he carried with him. He leaned closer, until noses touched and puffs of smoke came out—

Underneath the dim glow of the red lanterns, Mikan blushed terribly at the face of the most coveted boy in the Academy. Suddenly she started noticing all the features which made him look rough yet vulnerable, at the same time—his dark mane which fell in perfect tips, the thin line that smirked at the sight of the brown beauty, the crimson eyes which drained all the blood from Mikan's head…

But she didn't see the boy who was holding withering flowers run away from them.

* * *

It's short for a chapter, but that's just the way I make a prologue. Concrits are deeply appreciated.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

_Remembrance_

* * *

A pair of small, clumsy feet stepped out of the black limousine that served as the school's free transportation on the first day of classes. Mikan inhaled the powerful whiffs of perfume and soap, and she gazed up, with wide innocent eyes, at the exterior of her new second home. The campus had multiple roof lines and was made entirely out of glass—yet why did she feel like a prisoner when the building was technically a window to the world?

No later than minutes, Mikan was lost in the crowd of bickering students in the hallways. She fumbled with her locker code, stumbled on a can of Coke, and got laughed at immediately. But Mikan was Mikan, and she was fond of being the underdog.

"She still wears her hair in pigtails, I mean, who would want to be seen with those cartoon ponytails?"

"That girl is such a sore loser, I bet she's just on scholarship and that's why she's still here."

"She doesn't look smart at all, though."

Mikan wanted to shut her eyes and disappear completely, but the smile on her face remained. She was going to study here—perhaps find a better life and a person named—

"To your rooms, five minutes until the start of classes. Anyone seen loitering in the halls shall be put in detention until eleven in the _evening,_" a robotic voice boomed from the speakers, startling the horde of transferees roaming the school. A lot of them scrambled to their respective classes, and Mikan just tagged along, searching for the Speech Laboratory Number Two.

Her first day was a failure, but Mikan couldn't help but marvel at the glass panels of the institution and the photos that were displayed in the now silent hallway, which was illuminated by spotlights in a relaxing shade of orange. Pictures of falling cherry blossoms at autumn, a glaring stuffed bear, Halloween costumes, a nonchalant grin—

She knew whose pictures they were, and she was desperate to see that person again. As Mikan's shoes slapped against the marble floor, she seemed to remember how long it felt since _he _left, and she wished to go back in time to see the pictures in action. Though she wasn't really sure who _he _was, specifically.

A white sign hung over her head, labeled "Laboratory II", so maybe this was the place she was looking for. Screams and laughters reverberated from the walls, and as she poked her head through the doorway, just to make sure, a blonde hippie raised his eyebrows and willed for the class to stop for a moment.

"Sakura-chan, eh? You're late."

Their homeroom adviser looked oddly like Narumi, except this one was a complete stranger. Except this isn't Alice Academy anymore.

Mikan's classmates continued to giggle at the hilarity of their English lesson. Mr. Blonde, as Mikan called him, was reciting an oratorical piece that served as a parody of a best-selling book. He was flapping his arms and rolling over his table like a maniac, and it made Mikan smile slightly. Her mind was still drifting off and her eyes scanning the seats, hoping she would find someone who would lock eyes with her and beam at her the way she always did.

She didn't notice a girl with an uptown girl's characteristics drag her chair to where Mikan's was. In Mikan's opinion, the girl was stunning with her jet-black mane and cat-like features. "Hey," she spoke with a sense of superiority, "I think it's the first time I saw you here."

"It is," Mikan said. "I'm Sakura Mikan." She extended her fair hand, and the girl shook it. The act sent tiny jolts down Mikan's arm, though she didn't know why.

The dark-haired girl huffed slightly. "I'm Sumire. You're the girl who fell a while ago?"

_The girl who fell. _So that was what she was called now; but then again, she knew that she only used seventeen muscles in her face when she smiled. Mikan thought that it was better to dwell on the brighter side.

"Yup, but I always do that. Don't worry."

"I'm not worrying. I'm just asking," Sumire raised her chin defiantly and crossed her arms while partially listening to their teacher. "Besides, we just met. And I'm just saying that you technically made yourself look stupid in front of the whole student body."

_I always look stupid, _Mikan's thoughts wanted to creep their way out of her mouth. If _he _was here, he'd yell at her for being so shallow-minded. And then Mikan would quiet him down by pinching his cheek until it turned beet-red, and they would laugh until their stomachs hurt—

"Class dismissed."

Mikan wanted to stay a little longer because she wanted to remember memories from her old school, but Sumire jerked her upward and focused her kaleidoscope eyes on Mikan's face. "Come on. You're coming with me."

"But—"

"We're just going to eat lunch, stupid."

Nevertheless, in a world-class institution, lunch is always great. Caesar salads, steaks, and pastas had mouth-watering aromas which wafted off to the ends of the cafeteria. Mikan knew better than to inhale.

She was taken aback by the luxury of the students, and she found it absurd to be extravagant when the purpose in school was learning. "Close your mouth, Sakura. You're going to swallow a fly if you keep doing that," Sumire demanded with a slightly icy tone, but Mikan was still grateful for their acquaintanceship.

Mikan turned to her with her innocent irises. "Are there even flies in here?"

Sumire shrugged and grabbed the mashed potato from the counter. "I'm not speaking literally. You could attract—"

"If it isn't the grade-schooler," a girl with short ebony locks and milky skin sneered without an expression on her captivating face. She was fingering a tiny electronic chip, and she turned her violet eyes toward Sumire. "Shouda, what are you doing with that new student? Is this one of your sidelines when you're not chasing—"

"Shut up—"

"Hi!" Mikan flashed her pearly whites and bowed politely. "I'm Mikan Sakura, and I would like to know your name."

The ebony beauty directed her attention to Mikan. "Mikan Sakura, huh? Even if you bow politely like a conventional, well-mannered teenager, you're still disturbing my conversation with Shouda here."

"Go away, Imai," Sumire bit back ferociously but with a hint of fear laced in her tone. Imai smirked before throwing a glance at Mikan. "I cannot believe how ignorant people got accepted in this academy. Perhaps the diagnostic test was far too easy to measure one's actual intelligence," Imai commented and turned her back on them casually, as if she was done taking her trash out.

Mikan giggled excitedly. "Imai. It's such a nice name!"

"Idiot," said Sumire while massaging her temples. "Her first name's Hotaru, and she just insulted you."

The amber-eyed girl nodded absent-mindedly, and was about to take a plate of spaghetti Bolognese when Sumire gripped her wrist and pulled her away. "You need to register first in the cafeteria's cashier. I'll take care of that, and meanwhile, you find a table for us. Clear?" Mikan stared at her for five seconds and raised a thumbs-up sign. She hurried off to the main hall and was squirming through the thick overflow of people when she spotted an empty table near the mosaic fountain.

Mikan didn't mind being alone. She proceeded to sit earnestly while waiting for her new friend, and the fountain seemed to be singing a lullaby to her. The water made her remember about Sundays, when _they_ would wash the car and, unconsciously, take a bath. She would temporarily drown and take revenge on—

Her flashbacks were interrupted by a heavy slap on the clear table. It wasn't Sumire's, for the hand was toned and muscled, and as she looked up, the boy's eyes were partially closed. His brown hair was spiky and his necktie was unraveled. "A new face I could toy with. But sadly, this is our table, Miss. And you're going to get off of it in ten seconds."

"But where will I eat?" Mikan asked, her fingers going up to her chin. "I'm just waiting for my friend here, and I got here first."

"Didn't you hear what I said? It's _our _table. You're pretty, but you sure are dumb," the boy remarked with his cocky voice. His hand flung from the table and grasped Mikan's collar. Their noses collided, but this was nothing like the time she had with Natsume—

The crowd was jeering now, shouting "Kitsu! Kiss her!", and the laughter made Mikan's eyes water. She tried to wriggle out of the boy Kitsu's firm hold, but he looked her in the eye. "Your ten seconds are over. Or maybe you don't want them to end?" Kitsu was drawing closer, his leering eyes smirking of their own accord…

Mikan shut her eyes to keep the tears from falling from her cheeks. She was in the school only because of the one person she absolutely needed _and _wanted to find.

"Stop it, Kitsuneme," a familiar voice called out. It became stronger, unlike the high-pitched one before, and the students who watched while eating hamburgers gave way to the boy who recently arrived. "You know that's not how we treat girls."

Kitsuneme laughed, amused by the latecomer. He scratched his head and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, man, I just couldn't help it. She was too gorgeous _and _naïve for her own good."

But Mikan didn't open her eyes. What if Kitsuneme would get near her again, attempting to kiss her just like that? Her hands grew cold from her sides and she could still sense that the two guys were still in front of her.

She felt an ice-cold liquid splash over her head.

"Now that's how we treat them," the anonymous guy hooted while high-fiving Kitsuneme. The whole student body chuckled with them and some even gave rounds of applause for the most popular people in school. Now, Mikan couldn't help but cry silently, in the company of people who looked at her with hilarity.

Another smooth finger drew her chin close, but she could tell it was not Kitsuneme's anymore. "You're crying? How pathetic," a warm breath tickled her skin and made her sob even harder. But the voice was really, _importantly _familiar, if she could just figure whose it was…

On the count of three, the world awoke again, and her glassy amber eyes blinked to erase the blur. A smirk escaped from the lips of the person who was in front of her—she stopped crying. Her irises widened, her small mouth fell open, and she could hear Sumire scolding her about flies.

Finding her best friend was the easy part, confronting him as a new person was like math. The jargon was entangling itself with the millions of thoughts that ran in her mind.

.

"..K-koko?"

**..**

* * *

**Erika here. **The characters are OOC, yes, the dashes are annoying, yes. But I placed them there to fit the plot. **Do **leave a review or a message to tell me exactly what you feel about this chapter or if you have any points for improvement. Rantings are pretty much accepted. Tell me _anything _you have to say. That way I know what to fix, according to your desires. Stay tuned for the next chapter, this is only the beginning, and it's not even the exciting part. Tip: do not make your eyes jump to the later paragraphs, the story loses the suspense.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

_Vicissitude_

* * *

"…_K-koko?"_

_._

Kokoro Yome-the football jock, the avid photographer, and the fluent debater. He ruffled his brown hair and smirked with his teasing eyes, making all of the girls in the cafeteria scream. His white long-sleeved polo was slightly unbuttoned and a milk mustache just made his lips look more adorable.

"Sakura Mikan," Koko said, tucking a stray strand of Mikan's hair behind her ear. "We meet again."

Mikan blushed though she knew she wasn't supposed to. God, this was her _best friend _she was talking about. Or so she thought. "Are you really Koko? I mean, you weren't like this—"

"Before," Koko finished while playing with his fingers. He caressed Mikan's lips, and he knew that they were already claimed by somebody else. Koko clearly remembered the name of the boy he resented, of the one who stole his world. Flinching, he continued taunting Mikan. "I'm different now, _Mikan-chan. _You're still as naïve as ever."

The touch of his hands made Mikan shiver and feel butterflies in her stomach—this was blasphemy, she knew. The warmth of his sole finger against her lips was paradise—

_No, _Mikan argued, the red tint on her cheeks never fading away. Was it because he had changed? His uniform was not that of a prim and proper student, and he was no longer as innocent as he was. Somehow it reminded her of the crimson-eyed boy sitting on the branch of the cherry blossom tree—

_Natsume Hyuuga. _The mere painting of his entirety in Mikan's head made her eyes well up with tears. Koko seemed to notice, and being the past best-friend that he was, he knew that the glassy eyes of the girl who sat in front of him weren't because of Koko himself. He concluded that Mikan was thinking about someone, and he loathed the idea of it, making his fist smash to the table near them.

"Fuck that," he whispered to her, surprising her with the profanity. "You're thinking about him again, aren't you?"

Mikan blinked and gritted her teeth. She cared for Koko, really. But if he was to taint her memories of Natsume left in Alice Academy, then she might as well forget about that care and concern. "You don't know what you're talking about, and I don't know who you are anymore." She shoved him away and stood up, her pigtails swaying by the sides of her fragile head. "Why did you change, Koko?"

"Why _didn't _you change? You're still in love with that prick of a Hyuuga," Koko's eyes narrowed. He grabbed her wrists and tried to make her feel how painful it was watching from afar, with the dead flowers in his hands. "_You _don't know what you're talking about, Sakura."

Mikan swallowed in fear of what Koko might do, but she held her ground. "You're still my best friend, even though it doesn't seem like it nowadays." She stared at his sullen eyes that seemed too tired from reasoning out. If only he didn't leave before…

"That's all I'll ever be, right?" Koko said, and Kitsuneme chuckled in amusement. What Mikan couldn't see was Sumire watching from behind with a flash of anger in her features. "But I've changed. So will that truth."

He leaned down and closed his eyes, but all he heard was the sound of a slap.

Koko jerked back into reality, bewildered in every sense. The retreating figure of Mikan disappeared from his sight, and he could see the cat-like girl he used to prank trail behind Mikan. The sound of doors crashing close bombarded the air like thunder, and Koko couldn't help but laugh.

He faced the whole student body and slicked his hair back. He didn't even give a damn about the fact that there was an irritating pain on his cheek. Kitsuneme tapped him on the back, because _damn, _Koko was surely good in maintaining his composure.

"That's what she wants, folks. Let's give her a living hell."

* * *

.

"Mikan, wait a minute," Sumire yanked Mikan back by pulling her auburn hair. Mikan yelped and turned around, attempting to cover her puffy eyes with the sorry excuse that was her hand. Sumire snorted and poked the girl's head. "You didn't tell me that you knew Koko."

"That's because you never asked," Mikan sniffed, gazing at the bruises on her arms. "Besides, it doesn't matter anymore. He's completely turned into a devil."

But as she remembered his eyes, she felt a sense of nostalgia. Those eyes, which glittered under the rays of sunshine like diamonds lost in the depths of the sea, like the mirage on a hot summer day. Where were those eyes now? Replaced by steel ones which were a shade of the shadows in Mikan's bedroom window. She drifted away, wishing the old Koko would come back. The Koko who called her at night even when they were windows apart, who captured her candid moments, who hugged her whenever Natsume would lose his mind.

"You're always like that," Sumire mumbled, crossing her arms in sheer frustration. "What _exactly_ happened between the two of you?"

"We were best friends, okay. And we kind of drifted apart," Mikan said shyly.

"Because?"

"Well, we drifted apart after this certain school festival and the next day, he transferred to this school without saying goodbye."

"I'm not asking for the time, idiot. I'm asking for the reason you became strangers. Or should I say enemies?" Sumire smirked a little to lighten the atmosphere and get her to spill the cat out of the bag, but Mikan fidgeted and tried to stop the memories.

_Crimson eyes, Black cat—_

Unconsciously, a tear painted her cheek milky white. "I don't know," Mikan whispered, barely audibly. But she _knew. _"But I want to get him back."

* * *

.

"I want to get her back," Koko joked, elbowing Kitsuneme and Mochu while changing out of his sweaty jersey. His cheeks were a bit pink due to exhaustion, yet he smiled as if he hadn't begun yet. Kitsuneme tackled him with his muscular arms and flicked his head. Minutes passed and their teammates stared at them with weird looks, watching the mini-wrestling competition taking place in the lockers.

Koko panted and grabbed the nearest towel on the bench. "Kitsu, what I said earlier—honestly, I don't know if I meant it or not."

"_Fuck, _Yome," Mochu breathed. His eyes became darker than they were. "Don't you remember what she did to you? Running away with that bastard—"

"Of course I do," Koko sighed, punching himself in the nose and later regretting it. He was holding a piece of tissue. "But now's the chance to get her when Hyuuga's not around."

""But problem is," said Kitsu, "Sakura's still head over heels for that guy." Kitsuneme stood up, turning his back on Koko, and he exhaled in frustration. "You're still as stupid as ever, Koko. You embarrassed her then you're going to tell her that you still feel the same way—"

"Shut up," Koko groaned, resting his head on the locker. He covered his eyes with his free hand and mumbled, "Leave me alone for a while, will you?"

Kitsu and Mochu left without a word and shook his head at his friend's naivety.

Never did they know that a certain brunette would come later, looking for a restroom with her ignorant gaze. But of course, said brunette wouldn't find the restroom.

A loud crash echoed throughout the locker room, signaling the collision of a fist with the door. Grabbing his head and crouching, Koko growled, as if scolding himself.

.

"Damn," his voice was muffled in his hands.

* * *

**Erika here_.** Just one statement. I suck at making this story work. I don't know what transition to use, and I tend to be _excited_ for the climax that I forget that there has to be a rising action somewhere. I am in great need of a beta-reader. Concrits are deeply appreciated, and 'til next chapter.


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

_Trifles_

* * *

"_Damn."_

_._

"Damn," Mikan screamed inwardly. She was scampering away from the scrutinizing gazes of her classmates and holding a musty Chemistry book in front of her face. Now that Mikan was in an elite school, the cussing disease that all of them had acquired was starting to seep into her innocent brain.

Mikan had also been avoiding Sumire, her only so-called 'friend', because she didn't want to be pestered with questions that she herself couldn't answer. As she walked past the huge photographs hanging on the white walls, she couldn't believe that a _jerk _was the one who captured them. But the one that struck her the most was the picture that hung in front of the classroom she was about to enter.

A slight gap in pearly white teeth. Pinkish lips. A bit of Howalon stuck to the edges of the mouth.

For all Mikan knew, it was her smile which Koko took a picture of.

She shrugged, too weary to care, and proceeded to the farthest seat on the left side of the room. At least, she could escape from the rumors which had been flying around all day through conversations and text messages.

The window beside her had been kind enough to let her relax for a few minutes, because just outside the building was a garden filled with roses and dandelions which crept through the vibrant blades of grass.

_Dandelions—_Mikan found wilted ones at the base of Koko's door when they were still at Alice Academy.

If she wasn't _fuming _mad right now, Mikan could have burst into tears right there and then, in the middle of Math class with an empty notebook. Maybe it was her fault that everything seemed to go haywire. Maybe if she hadn't been perched on the cherry blossom tree that night—

But all she saw was a dash of brown hair.

Was it her fault that she fell in love with Natsume first?

Sighing, Mikan turned to her right and saw Hotaru Imai, who still had an emotionless stare plastered on her face. The ice queen twirled a 2B pencil in her fingers and yawned. "So, Sakura, done checking me out? Or do I have to pose for you?"

Mikan gulped. "U-uh, I wasn't trying to be rude, I just saw you and—"

"You know," Hotaru deadpanned, "you really should listen to the professor. I do know that you scored less than eighty percent on your entrance exam."

"How did you—"

Hotaru's purple stare intensified as she managed to raise her eyebrow. "There's President _Imai _as the school head for a reason."

"Oh," Mikan could only mutter in her idiocy, so she resumed paying attention to the discussion. But the x's and y's on the blackboard seemed to tire her, so she began drawing doodles on her graphing paper with the knowledge that her seatmate was gazing at her.

"Why did you even come here?" Hotaru asked, demand evident in her tone. "If I remember correctly, it's halfway through the academic year."

Mikan bit her lip. Of all the questions everyone had to ask, she didn't want this, especially if she only remembered something which she was trying her hardest to forget.

The bell resounded with a _Kriing, _and Mikan left, grabbing her bag in her hurry.

Hotaru looked at her retreating figure and took her phone out.

_She still doesn't remember me._

* * *

"Okay, so where is Room 412?"

Swallowing a lump of nervousness in her throat, Mikan looked up at the vast basketball court and back at her makeshift map. She wanted to tear her hair out because she was hopelessly late for her next class.

With no choice left, Mikan trudged, marveling at the rows of bleachers and the streamers that hung on the wall. The trophies inside the glass case glistened in their golden glory, and pictures of former basketball stars.

She arrived at the joint lockers of the basketball and football players.

_Sweaty_, Mikan remarked, pinching her nose a little bit at the dampness. She understood very well how sporty people perspired easily, but she couldn't help but feel a little disgusted by the over-all ambience of the locker rooms.

"Why are you here?"

Mikan froze in the middle of the warm room at the sound of his voice. She turned around and the hairs on her back stood up.

"…I-I was just lost—"

Koko smirked while tousling his brown mane. Sweat drizzled down his forehead like the refreshing summer rain, and Mikan was rendered speechless as she gazed into his eyes. _This isn't disgusting at all._

"Lost," Koko walked towards Mikan and caused her to back against the wall. Mikan felt the heat creep up her cheeks—she was definitely cornered, and it didn't help that she was trapped under the stare of the hottest boy in school.

Koko cupped her chin. "You're waiting for me here, where no one can see a thing. Where's your innocence, Mikan-chan?"

"I swear," Mikan tried her best in looking annoyed but eventually failed in doing so. "Don't be assuming, Yome."

Koko laughed, a bit bitterly, and instantaneously placed his hands on either side of Mikan's head, making her gasp and bite her lip. "It's Yome now, huh?" Koko lowered his head, and for a minute, his fixed stare softened. His hand brushed against Mikan's hair, and he sighed.

"I missed you, Mi-chan."

The wild heartbeat that nearly ravaged Mikan's chest only became more uncontrollable. _Mi-chan, _Koko had said, and Mikan wanted him to stay this way.

Out of the blue, Koko grinned and asked, "Hey, Mi-chan, can I kiss you?"

Mikan blushed furiously and suddenly developed a new interest in her shoes. But what she said next extremely startled herself that she wanted to find a gag for her impossible mouth.

"Should I close my eyes?"

It all felt so surreal, but Koko withdrew his face and resorted to ruffling Mikan's chestnut locks. "You're too cute for your own good," he said, walking in his handsome grace and sweaty shirt. Mikan breathed calmly and started leaving the room with a million questions swirling in the mush of her mind. She was finally getting out of here—

Until a hand closed in on her wrist. She was pulled back and twirled around, and Mikan was face-to-face, yet again, with Koko. The boy managed a sly grin and a whisper. "And unfortunately, I'm falling in love with you."

Before Mikan could react, Koko leaned down and kissed her.

Mikan did close her eyes.

* * *

While taking a swig of his mochaccino, Kitsuneme cracked a mischievous smile at the recent text message from his best friend.

_I've done what you've told me to do, and I think she believes me. Scratch that, she completely fell for it, dude._

Kitsu's fingers pressed on the keypad enthusiastically for their newfound victory.

_Good. Let the game begin—and truth is, it's her heart we're playing with._

* * *

__**Erika here_.** Filler chapter galore wheee. Happy Christmas, guys. Reviews will be really appreciated (especially if you pointed out errors and such)- consider them as gifts, will you? How was it? Personally, I thought that this chapter was terrible. Sorry for being such a lame author :) With all the doomsday stuff popping out in the Internet, I thought that I'd update this little story of mine while I left my Fairy Tail fics in the dark. For the nth time, concrits are deeply appreciated, people. Happy holidays! 8D


	5. Chapter Four

Okay so maybe there _is _a reason that this fic is Rated T. Just watch out. Anyway, cautions for the short divisions of the chapter here. It's necessary.

**Dedicated to **everyone who waited for an update. If you're reading this, then hurrah to you.

**Listen to **_First Love_ by Utada Hikaru- piano version. I just love piano, and if anyone would perform a piece for me, I will love you forever and dedicate my fics to you. Haha, don't mind me 8D

* * *

**Chapter Four**

_Rumors_

* * *

A sly smile tugging on his lips, Koko threw his head back on the dormitory couch and gazed at the text that he recently sent. It must be taking Kitsuneme long to reply, because the stunt that Koko just recently pulled off was incredibly real for those who were never good at acting.

"So, what's next?" Koko mumbled, knowing that Hotaru Imai was there, sitting opposite him with a book about information technology.

Hotaru shrugged and fetched a glass of iced water from her own invention which was roaming around on its metallic pseudopods. She drank for a while and subtly cleared her throat. "I don't know. She's not worth the effort creating a battle plan for. You can torture her in infinite ways easier than making her fall for you, and for all I know, maybe all you have to do is seek her out in a dark alley and kill her- stab her, asphyxiate her, I don't know."

The two 'friends' stared at each other for heartbeats. "I want to destroy her, inch by inch," Koko breathed, leaning into the velvet couch and flexing his arms. "It'll be more painful that way."

"You do know that I was a part of her childhood," Hotaru said.

"Then it'll be better. Tear her apart and then _bam_, she remembers that who was once the closest person to her is now one of her enemies."

Hotaru nodded passively. "Are you still that desperate, Yome?"

"Desperate?" Koko laughed a bit bitterly. "I'm trying to take revenge on her."

"You know, if you keep this up for long, you might wish that you haven't done this. Maybe you'll be haunted and your 'revenge' might backfire and you'll be the one who's—"

"Hotaru," the brown-haired lad stood up abruptly and pinched his nose bridge. "We all know that you're intelligent. I know that you can figure stuff out that others can't. But you should know, of all people, that the first mistake in solving a problem is jumping to conclusions."

Koko took his tie and slung around his messy collar. "Don't get too sentimental. I once did, and look at what I am now."

"Still an idiot, I presume."

This time, the both of them grinned, the violet-eyed one showing only a slight smirk (which stood for a normal person's grin, nonetheless). Koko scratched the back of his head and waved his hand. "I'd better go. Thanks for the conversation, Hotaru Imai."

Hotaru only nodded in reply, and her sight fell upon a worn photograph on her palm. It was hardly recognizable if not for the pigtails of a young brunette and the cold purple stare of a pale child; it was hardly familiar if it wasn't blurry from the slightly trembling hand of a crimson-eyed boy.

* * *

Mikan groaned against her blankets and sat up with horrible, nest-like hair as she had just woken up from an afternoon nap. Her room was suitable, well _more than suitable_, actually; it was just the ruckus along the girls' dormitory halls that irritated her to no end.

She stood up on wobbling feet and slid on her pink bunny slippers. Applying safety precautions (which was bringing her hands up in a karate stance), Mikan took a peek outside her door and saw that several gals were screaming at each other.

"You're just a silly little bitch, Shouda," a brunette taunted, her hands on hips and bangles slapping against each other like wind chimes. "Standing up for the new student like that? I thought we were with each other?"

"We _are_," Sumire spat out. Mikan only noticed that the girls were wearing heavy makeup and skimpy skirts. Sumire rolled her eyes lined with mascara and shrugged. "Look, Luna, if you have to make a mess out of this, I just have to inform you that I'm doing this for us. Might find out how Koko knows that pretty little thing."

The girl named Luna snorted. "Oh, she's not even pretty, for heaven's sake. I have to say that I'll trust you, but if you break that trust, well, you know what happens. _Hell._"

The other females bounced around in their miniskirts and trailed off, whispering about the party in the boys' dormitory and how they would have 'fun'. Sumire shook her head at the thought that Luna even managed to put the words 'heaven' and 'hell' together in one sentence; Mikan stiffened in her room, crept back to her bed, and wondered if everything she had heard was true.

She was friendless. Again.

But Mikan knew that she could go to a certain person.

Problem was, how on Earth could she enter a boys' dormitory?

* * *

.

"What brings you here, Mi-chan?"

Koko opened her door in the deafening silence of midnight and found a teary-eyed and bruised Mikan and a teddy bear that looked like it was gasping for breath. The awoken boy led Mikan to the seat by his bed and offered to make a cup of coffee, and Mikan immediately turned it down.

"Milk tea, then?" Koko rubbed his eyes wearily.

Mikan bit her lip and wanted to refuse for a second, but changed her mind for another. Koko must have known that she liked to go to the milk tea store two hours away from home just to drink an ordinary beverage.

"I'm really, really sorry," Mikan muttered, hugging the stuffed toy to her chest. She squirmed and yawned sleepily. "It's just that, a certain Luna…"

"Koizumi? Oh, don't mind that freak," Koko yawned in return. "She wants to stay on top of the whole student body, both literally and metaphorically."

Mikan stood up and collapsed on the bed. The mattress felt like a soft piece of marshmallow, and Mikan sheepishly mumbled, "_Mmm. _She's trying to make Sumire discover how we're even related."

The glass of milk tea felt warm against the wooden bedside table. Seeing the angelic figure resting on his mattress, Koko sat down and brushed his fingers over the strands of brown hair draped over Mikan's face like a curtain. "And how are we, exactly?"

"_Uh-mmm, _friends, I guess," Mikan sleepily said.

"Friends?" Koko lay down and propped himself up on a pillow, staring at the girl opposite her. "Are we just that?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

Koko snorted and raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Talking to a sleepy Mikan sure is full of honesty. "How do I know if it isn't?"

Mikan slumped on Koko's pillow and ended up nuzzling against Koko's neck. "You just do."

A bit alarmed but completely satisfied, Koko removed the leaves tangled in Mikan's mane and touched her red lips. He had just kissed her, but would it be a crime if he did it again?

Koko drew a sharp breath and pressed his lips against Mikan's, inhaling her strawberry scent. In the dead silence of the night, Koko placed his hand on Mikan's waist, and used the other to unlock his phone.

_Did it again, man._

* * *

.

Kitsuneme knocked on Koko's door once. Twice. Thrice. The dolt even had the nerve of texting him four words which could open up into a wide range of possibilities, and he didn't even have the slightest conscience to get off his lazy butt and let Kitsu in. Tired of looking like a senseless fool for thirty seven minutes, Kitsu barged in without permission.

"_Oh."_

Grunting, Koko tightened his grip around Mikan. His shirt was on the floor and Mikan's blouse was unbuttoned. There were bruises on Mikan's neck and face, and once Kitsuneme coughed, Koko bolted upright and in turn pulled Mikan.

Mikan crinkled her nose and looked at her surroundings. "_Oh my God—"_

Koko quickly picked his shirt up and tossed it to Mikan, who was trying her hardest to cover her milky skin up. He stretched and eased out of the sheets, his six-pack melting Mikan's nerves down. "Morning, Kitsu."

"You're really, er, _cozy," _Kitsuneme commented, watching as Koko hastily pulled a long-sleeved uniform from his closet. "I've noticed the hickeys, a lot of them, actually."

"They're bruises! I scaled the wall—"

"Oh, scaled the wall," Kitsu grinned. "Must have been so frantic to get in here, huh."

Koko sighed tiredly. "Lay off her, please. There's nothing, erm, _sensual _that happened in here. We just slept, that's all. And when I say 'slept' I mean the traditional and innocent way."

"Fine, fine," Kitsuneme drew his hands up in surrender. He coughed and squinted at his designer watch. "You do know that it's a school day and there's three minutes left to take a bath, throw on a uniform, and run to class."

Mikan nearly jumped out the window.

* * *

.

"I _cannot_ believe how that klutz became a part of Koko's clique," Luna stabbed her grilled blue marlin with her fork; her face a very prominent shade of white and teeth chattering in hate. "And to think that Imai is fine with that."

"Listen, Luna," a girl named Anna ran her hand along Luna's back, trying to soothe the seething student. "Don't let her mess you up. It's just a power play, that's all."

Luna arched her fiery brows. She stifled a laugh. "A _power _play? She doesn't even have an ounce of power inside of her! She's just a normal girl who trips on her shoes and comforts herself with little girly toys that have long been forgotten by teenagers like us."

"I'm not talking about Mikan here," Anna emphasized the word 'not' with a click of her tongue. "Koko is the issue- sure, we know that Koko and Kitsu have screwed a lot of girls, but never the innocent ones. They're just trying to manipulate the poor girl."

"And why should I believe you?"

With the swift movement of her hands, Anna pointed to the screen of her phone and smiled knowingly. "Because I have this."

When Luna was about to shriek and hug Anna around the neck, Sumire, out of nowhere, dropped her bag beside them and snatched Anna's phone. "It's been all over the school now- Koko and Mikan slept together."

"He still hasn't ditched her yet?" Anna asked, raising her eyebrows in mock concern. "Well, maybe he _does _like her."

Sumire responded with a grunt, but she flicked her hair and eyed Luna closely. It wasn't hatred or determination or anything like that which was pooled in her irises- it was _sadness_. "I don't care, I only befriended her because I know they had a history. A vast one, perhaps, but I still quite don't get the picture."

"Nobody knows, dear," Luna stared at her manicured nails and at the crowd in the cafeteria- loud and bustling and busy, yet ignorant of the drama that was high school. "That is why you have to ask Koko yourself. You also had a history, didn't you? Would you like me to elaborate on how-"

"Stop, Koizumi," Sumire growled. "I don't want to bring it up, and I can't talk to him either. Maybe _you _can ask him."

"I can, but I wouldn't. I don't want to do all the dirty work."

In the midst of her quarrelling and so-called friends, Anna held her hands up in surrender and swallowed audibly. "Fine. I'll get Kitsu to talk with my own ways, on one condition."

Luna laughed humorlessly. "Don't tell me you're going to sleep with him."

"No!" a red tint crept onto Anna's puffy cheeks and she gulped again, but this time she was actually feeling thirsty. "You…talk to Imai about homework. I don't understand polar coordinates _at all_."

* * *

.

Though Koko and Kitsuneme were nice companions (they even held the door for her, such gentlemen), Mikan strayed from their presence for a while and proceeded to a tree. Her heart clenched, albeit just a little, at the sight of a tree- she wondered if she was this emotionally messed up to get sentimental over plants.

Looking dejectedly at her mathematics notes, Mikan enjoyed the feel of the sharp grass underneath her and the wind caressing her face. _Just like the old times_, she thought, but regretted it as soon as she remembered the first- and most special- kiss she had with a certain crimson-eyed boy. Her conflicting feelings for _that_ boy and Koko made no sense to her, none at all. Kind of like the stupid math problems in her notebook which she intended to run away from, but could not do so.

Her hazel eyes could have missed anything- she wasn't so bright and she would completely fail as a detective- but Mikan swore that her heartbeat accelerated when she saw a fleeting glimpse of raven hair from afar.

But it can't be. And it _will not_ be.

.

After all, Natsume Hyuuga had been dead for three months now.

* * *

**Erika here_. **Yes, I'm alive. Too caught up in my other fics and a whole ton of schoolwork. Once I finish this and _Killer_, maybe I can rest in peace. Would you mind if the story became mysterious and stuff like that? Reviews will be deeply appreciated, and constructive criticism, much more. Tell me if the story is going haywire.


	6. Chapter Five

**|Author's Note|** Hi guys, I'm still alive, fortunately. I hope that you stayed and followed this story even if it's been written in a really crappy way (oops sorry for the foul language). Rated T for language. A lot of things will be revealed in this chapter, so you better start reading!

**Dedicated to **everyone who reviewed, faved, and followed _Irrevocable_. This will only last for about 10-15 chapters so yeah. Thank you for all the support, and I would really appreciate all the constructive criticism. 8D

* * *

**Chapter Five**

_Antecedent_

* * *

Walking in her most convincing strut, Anna sashayed past the lockers and found Kitsuneme staring sullenly at his stack of Math books. His hair seemed too rough and he looked like he had been mulling over something so important the previous night.

Anna took a nervous gulp of air and tapped Kitsuneme's back in the nicest- and least flirty- way ever. She opened her glossed mouth to speak. "Hey, Kitsu, um, I just wanted to ask you something."

"If it's homework, screw off. If you want me to kiss you, you're too bland. If you want to talk to me, go away for a second because I have no intention of talking to anyone right now," Kitsuneme growled under his breath, still looking at his books.

Clearly not expecting the response, Anna flinched, but continued with her soothing voice. "I- I just wanted to ask why you've been hanging out with Mikan lately."

"She's not a slut, for one," Kitsuneme drawled.

Anna stomped her foot in annoyance. "Why the sudden change? I mean, she's nothing-"

Kitsuneme shut the door of his locker so hard that it bounced right back and slightly hit Anna in the arm. "Look, Umenomiya, I have no time for this. All of the girls here in our school act petty just because of some fame meter."

He turned on his heel and left. Anna gawked and headed the other way, wondering why on Earth Kitsuneme had a picture of Mikan taped to his locker, and why he'd acted like he even cared about the brunette.

* * *

.

That moment when she saw a fleeting glimpse of the familiar raven hair, Mikan felt like she was palpitating.

It all came back rushing to her- the Sakura Tree, her first kiss-

And the real reason Koko left.

It felt like millennia ago when Mikan overheard Koko talking to their homeroom adviser about the fact that 'his father was moving away for a job opening' and that 'his mom wanted them to be a complete family'. Mikan was dense and clueless, but when it came to her best friend, she knew a lot of things: Koko's dad was stationed in Europe, so why would he need to transfer to a school a province away? And the odd fact was, his mom was already divorced from his dad.

When Koko went out of the room, his eyes had been eerily red, and he shot Mikan a disgusting glance without a goodbye. He looked mad, furious, teeming with hate-

Until Natsume called Mikan's name out in the corridor. The raven-haired boy scolded, "_Polka, where the hell have you been?" _while Koko stood there, trying to look like he was never to forgive Mikan. After a while, Koko bit his lip, ran out of the school, and disappeared from Mikan's life for fourteen months.

It was in those times that when Mikan looked at those endearingly fiery crimson eyes did she feel a sense of regret. God, she was devastatingly in love with Natsume, but with Koko, it was a different story altogether. Whereas she had been Natsume's girlfriend for months, she had been best friends with Koko for years.

Maybe it was a bit selfish of Mikan when she'd thought that ceasing from seeing Natsume's eyes would also decrease her hurt for Koko.

Maybe it was a bit selfish of her when her thought actually came true, on that seemingly ordinary day from three months ago.

Natsume smiled once more, on the sunny field in the academy, and dropped to the ground. Just like that, an ambulance came and left, flowers were offered, prayers were whispered, and tears were let loose. The leukemia that Natsume had intended to hide from Mikan bit away at his body, inch by inch. The routine resumed, until a garden was formed in Natsume's ICU room and wet handkerchiefs were tossed to the laundry.

Those little customary procedures didn't matter in the end, because the monitor had stopped beeping the same time Natsume's heart fell silent.

And Mikan was there, crying and wondering why it had happened- how it _freaking hurt_ to lose two of the most important people in her life. Before the nurses covered Natsume's face with a white sheet, Mikan pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and whispered the one word Koko never told her.

"_Goodbye._"

"Mi-chan! Wanna go out for-"

Mikan quickly rubbed the edges of her tear-stained eyelids and produced a forced smile, stomach still churning at the sight of the brown-haired boy. "Oh, sorry, my eyes just got irritated. Pollution or something."

Frowning, Koko took his place on the grass and leaned on the tree with a bad posture. His leather backpack sat primly on the blades of green grass and he fished out a camera. Mikan blinked as a blinding flash of white light overcame her.

Koko scrutinized the picture. "Your lips are still red, and weirdly enough, it hasn't changed. But there is a little pimple growing on your cheek."

The boy was shoved harshly and Mikan flattened her blouse innocently. The both of them laughed and exchanged stories about their childhood, leaving out the part where Koko fell in love with Mikan and Mikan fell in love with Natsume.

Like what Koko had said, it hasn't changed.

For in moments like this, Mikan couldn't be more thankful that for at least a short duration she could pretend that never had anything gone horribly wrong in her life.

For in moments like this, Mikan could only pretend that Natsume Hyuuga was still alive, perched on the branch of a tree while she and Koko sat under it.

* * *

.

Sumire burst through the door to her dormitory room and dived into her marshmallow bed face-first.

Technically, it didn't really feel marshmallow-ish to her right now, because she happened to dive into a hard object stealthily hiding under her pillow. Sumire screamed in pain and swore while looking for the accursed object.

She rubbed her nose and stopped screaming, glancing at a hard-bound photo album. It wasn't that dusty, and if it ever contained memories, it was of memories that Sumire Shouda despised, because Sumire hated getting too damn emotional over an extinct relationship.

Sumire hugged her knees and flipped the first page. He had always been a great photographer, that boy. He captured their moments in amusement parks and sunsets. He captured that simple kiss on the cheek, which eventually led to another thing.

The photo album collapsed to the floor with a heavy 'thud', and Sumire cried, a bit too dainty at first, but completely soppy in the end. Those pictures in the hallways- while the boy captured Mikan's smile, the adjacent picture was Sumire's lone tear.

"_We're breaking it off_," warm, brown eyes stared into space, as if they had no care in the world at all. The boy raised his eyebrow at the lack of questions and turned on his heel, but Sumire took a hold of his shoulder blade.

"_Why?_"

The boy smirked and tucked Sumire's stray hair into the back of her ear. He placed lips near her side. "_It's all been a game, a pretty long one. And needless to say, I have another girl on my mind._"

Sumire didn't want to ask him who the girl was, because in the end she'd just be a bitch, and possibly one of the whores that Kokoro Yome screwed around because he loved playing games with real, live people instead of toys. But Sumire knew that the moment Koko walked away with that damn smirk on his face, her heart had been a broken record that still played a song.

And she realized, _damn yes_, she still loved Kokoro Yome, no matter how much of a bastard he was.

Because nothing could compare, not even the _fucking _pain he gave her, to those cozy afternoons, those photographs, those hugs and kisses, those moments which could have been stuck replaying for the rest of their lives.

Sumire Shouda would stop at nothing to get Koko back.

* * *

.

As much as Koko loved to play and destroy someone, he couldn't help but think back to Hotaru's words. Sure, there was enough hate in him in order to completely humiliate Mikan, but slowly he reverted back to his feelings and fell in love all at once, like the explosion of a long-overdue grenade.

Now as he looked at her, he fought the impulse to kiss her and tell her that he was sorry. They continued laughing while on the way to the dormitories, waiting for the streetlights to turn green.

Koko, too lost in his thoughts, failed to hear what Mikan said. Upon concentrating on her eyes, however, he saw that Luna, Anna, and Sumire were staring from a distance. "Uh, can we hurry up?"

"Huh?" Mikan wondered, glancing at her back to see a furious Luna. The latter didn't give a second thought as she grabbed Mikan by the hair and snarled.

"You!" Luna hissed, "first Koko, now Kitsuneme? Why, you're a lucky bitch!"

Koko pushed Luna away. "What the hell are you talking about, Koizumi?"

The girl in stilettos and thick makeup batted her eyelashes and cringed at the sight of Mikan. Luna looked at Anna, and back to Mikan, who was still wearing a naïve frown on her face. "Koko, we saw pictures of _her, _pinned to Kitsu's locker."

"I don't believe you," Koko laughed, and at the same time wore a disbelieving expression. "You're trying to make chaos over here, so I suggest that you go back to whatever shit you're doing."

This time, Sumire gripped Koko's collar and shoved Mikan away. "Kokoro Yome, stop telling us bullshit in lieu of a pathetic excuse. Your supposed best friend, Kitsuneme, is in love with that brunette you're also in love with."

"I'm not in love with her!"

In that instance, Luna smirked, Sumire's mouth hung open, Koko cursed, Mikan stared, and Kitsu came jogging to them, masking the slight smile on his face. Koko growled and turned on his heel, quite mad at himself for letting his intentions out-

-which left Luna towering over Mikan in her high heels. She frowned in mock pity and sighed, while Kitsuneme let out his own share of cussing and ran after Koko. Realizing that she had claimed her victory, Luna, once again, pushed Mikan to the busy highway-

-and Mikan braced herself for the impact-

-but it never came, and there echoed a sound of collision-

-in a glimpse, Mikan saw that people were crowding beside her, because there lay a green-haired girl on asphalt with her head undeniably bleeding.

That was how the entire student body found themselves swarming in the corridors outside the ICU units, and while Mikan was never hurt, she had been devastated, both by the truth that Koko wasn't in love with her, and that Sumire had a fifty percent chance of being alive.

But why would she have that tingly feeling in the bottom of her chest if she only thought of Koko as her best friend?

As Mikan trudged along the hallways, every resounding footstep haunting her of the same memory in the hospital when Natsume was still alive, she walked past the PET scanning room. Those hushed but angry whispers reminded her of the conversation she had overheard fourteen months ago, back in her old school.

She heard Hotaru's calm voice first. "Don't tell me it happened again."

Mikan took a peek through the door, trying to hide herself. "No, Mikan didn't get hit this time, and she didn't have any amnesia, thank you very much," Koko responded with a hateful undertone, and Mikan scrunched her nose up at the word _amnesia._

"Look," Kitsu said, "you don't have to believe what they said-"

"It's not that which makes me so damn furious," Koko cut off, his face crumpling into his hands. "It's just the fact that I'm _hurt _that makes me angry at myself."

Hotaru rolled her eyes and sat on one of the cushioned seats. "I told you so."

"It's more than that, too," Koko added, a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm scared, because I can't do anything about it. And now that we're in the hospital, I have to tell you that my diagnosis has been crystal clear. I'm afraid of that, too."

Kitsu snapped from his thoughts. "Diagnosis for what?"

Mikan peered even further and noticed that Koko was on the verge of tears, which was something that she had witnessed before. Something that involved a wilting bouquet of flowers.

Koko cleared his throat and found the smallest of his willpower to speak.

"Stage IV leukemia."

The whole world had gone silent, and all Mikan could think was, _Not again_.

* * *

**|Author's Note| **umm what do you think? I'm not an evil monster, by the way haha.


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